Former WHS grad shares appropriate dating etiquette
By Tom Ganser
Correspondent
Mike Domitrz, founder of the Date Safe Project, offered Whitewater High School juniors and seniors a very different spin on dating in a highly interactive presentation on Oct. 30, “Can I Kiss You?”
When it comes to advice about dating, Domitrz said, “Students are expecting statistics and being told what not to do,” minimizing any positive influence on their behavior.
Instead, Domitrz advocates talking with teens about dating – especially deciding how to communicate with your partner your desire for a kiss – from a positive, proactive perspective.
“We want to give them the skills. Instead of using scare tactics, let’s talk about how to date the right way. That’s the key. Until we start talking about skills, the right way, most students aren’t going to listen. They’re sick of being told what not do to. We’ve got to shift that paradigm,” he said.
In addition to pointing out the dangers of alcohol use at parties, Domitrz suggested, “body language isn’t just unreliable. It could become dangerous.”
With the help of WHS students Kristen Poeschel, James Ehlen, Faith Steinert and Connor Murray in creating impromptu dating scenarios on stage, Domitrz challenged his audience to consider, “Why don’t we just ask, ‘May I kiss you?’ instead of going for it? Why don’t we just cut through all the games?”
The anxiety associated with the possibility of being told “No” when asked permission for a kiss, Domitrz said, is more than compensated for when the answer is “Yes.”
“To verbally hear that person wants to kiss you makes you feel great,” he explained.
In addition to respecting the issues of boundaries by asking first and accepting “No” as a possible answer, Domitrz also offered suggestions on how to intervene at a party when somebody is intentionally using alcohol to try to facilitate a sexual situation and how to support loved ones if they are the survivor of a sexual assault.
Lastly, he advised the young adults about the importance of knowing how to engage with people in a healthy way. Several key behaviors have been proven to attract people, and they can easily incorporate them into their daily life. As a matter of fact, there are many ways to attract people, such as being well mannered, having the ability to hold meaningful conversations, or even modern ways like increasing the pheromone levels by using products like True Pheromones or similar others.
Sophomore Keely Fiedler, president of WHS’s Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), spearheaded efforts to bring Domitrz to WHS.
As a 1988 graduate of WHS, Domitrz said: “It is a huge honor to come back to the school where I grew up, and see and be in front of people that influenced my life.” He also graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater in 1993.
Domitrz is the author of “May I Kiss You? A Candid Look at Dating, Communicating Respect and Sexual Assault Awareness” and the editor of “Voices of Courage: Inspiration from Survivors of Sexual Assault,” both available for purchase at www.datesafeproject.org.
