APFV sheds light on domestic violence
By Kellen Olshefski
Editor
In light of recent cases of domestic violence in the NFL and October being domestic violence awareness month, Walworth County’s Association for the Prevention of Family Violence is reaching out to provide information on domestic violence to children and adults alike countywide.
“Sometimes people aren’t sure what domestic violence is,” APFV Executive Director Heidi Lloyd said. “Now that we’ve all seen the video of Ray Rice punching his fiancée, that’s obviously one part of domestic violence, but it doesn’t start that serious.”
Lloyd said that last year alone, the association saw 443 new victims (women and children) of domestic violence. The office is located at the intersection of North Lincoln and North Wisconsin Streets in Elkhorn.
According to Lloyd, domestic violence often begins with controlling behaviors, such as coercion and threats.
“Like I’m going to kill you, or I’m going to take away the kids,” she said.
Lloyd said abusers aim to control an isolate a victim, making them feel worthless so the abuser can take control.
“They’ll basically do whatever that person says, including tolerating physical abuse,” she said.
According to Lloyd, abuse typically occurs in a cycle, beginning with a tension building phase, which ultimately erupts into the blow-up stage, when abuse is at its worst.
“That can be a very serious time for the victim and the children because it could be screaming, throwing things, kicking, biting, punching, strangling…it can just get so incredibly violent so fast,” she said.
Finally, the abuse cycle reverts to what is called the honeymoon stage when the abuser might apologize or become very loving and kind and promise it won’t happen again. Lloyd said this is often the most confusing part for victims, especially children.
Lloyd said this stage can last a long or short period of time, though it typically gets progressively shorter as additional abuse incidents occur.
“Eventually there won’t even be an ‘I’m sorry,’” she said. “It’s total victim blaming.”
Lloyd said it is predominantly women and children who are victims, though it is not exclusively. Lloyd said in about 5 to 8 percent of cases in Walworth, men are the victims. Furthermore, Lloyd said economic factors and race aren’t a factor in who is being abuse.
“It’s like it’s in every community,” she said. “It’s there and obviously people try to keep it a secret as long as they can, but eventually, like the Ray Rice thing, it comes out and people see how ugly and how dangerous it really is.”
Lloyd said she thinks the situation with Ray Rice really blew open the lid on domestic violence, demonstrating to people how serious it can be even if they weren’t sure what it was before.
“It’s very sad that it came at the expense of their family, but there is a positive side for the rest of us to learn more about it and what we can do to help,” she said.
“That public outcry, there’s so many women that have gone through something similar in their home and now there’s that validation, it is wrong, it shouldn’t happen to me and now that we know, we can move forward and go on with our lives.”
Programs
Lloyd said the association, founded in 1978, offers support groups for women, where they learn about healthy relationships and how to regain self-respect and move forward in a positive manner.
Lloyd said in children’s groups, child victims are learning some of the same things, but in a more child friendly way, focusing on appropriate behavior, how to deal with anger, bad words, and things that will help them realize what a good relationship is.
“So they don’t only have what they experienced and saw in their own house to fall back on,” she said.
According to Lloyd, statistically 50 percent of girls who witness abuse on a regular basis will become victims and 60 percent of boys will become batterers. Lloyd said intervention can change this statistic.
“That’s what we’re trying to do for the people in Walworth County because it’s so important that you have someone who will listen and someone who will help you figure what can you do, what are your options,” she said.
Lloyd said if they want to stay with their abuser, the association will help them in bettering the relationship, providing resources for both the victim and abuser. If the victim is looking to leave, she said the APFV is there for that too.
“We want people to know that there is help for whatever your decision is,” she said. “We keep saying that we would talk ourselves out of a job, that we would do our job so well that it would go away.”
Lloyd said the association also has a 24-hour crisis line where victims can get ahold of someone for help at all hours.
Lloyd said the association is always in need of volunteers and $10 gas cards, to aid women who might not be able to afford to get away or get to the association’s Elkhorn location.
